Outside one of my kids' classrooms are posters called "When I grow up." I thought this one was hilarious -- it's not written by any of my kids, but it could have been!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
We live on a wooded lot in the middle of a city. It's great because my kids get to enjoy nature and I get to have a grocery store within five minutes. I love looking out all our back windows and seeing trees, especially in the spring after the long, gray winter.
But the best part of where we live are the visitors -- my kids would rave about all the bugs and snakes, but I really prefer the winged variety.
I'm not sure what this little guy is, but isn't he lovely? Sarah saw him first and insisted I get a picture of him.
And isn't this guy regal? This is the same branch as the photo above, just taken from a different angle. I really hope this predator doesn't eat beautifully colored yellow and red birds.
Our other winged visitors arrived by mail in the form of caterpillars. We bought Sarah a butterfly pavilion for Christmas this year and she was thrilled when it got warm enough to order her little caterpillars. The ugly little things grew really fast, made chrysalises and emerged as painted lady butterflies the same week Katie was born.
We let them go this past Saturday. Sarah was unhappy about parting with them at first, until she was able to see how happy they were flying away.
But the best part of where we live are the visitors -- my kids would rave about all the bugs and snakes, but I really prefer the winged variety.
I'm not sure what this little guy is, but isn't he lovely? Sarah saw him first and insisted I get a picture of him.
And isn't this guy regal? This is the same branch as the photo above, just taken from a different angle. I really hope this predator doesn't eat beautifully colored yellow and red birds.
Our other winged visitors arrived by mail in the form of caterpillars. We bought Sarah a butterfly pavilion for Christmas this year and she was thrilled when it got warm enough to order her little caterpillars. The ugly little things grew really fast, made chrysalises and emerged as painted lady butterflies the same week Katie was born.
We let them go this past Saturday. Sarah was unhappy about parting with them at first, until she was able to see how happy they were flying away.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Then feel free to skip these. We're certainly in love with her around here. I hardly get a chance to hold her in the afternoons. Once my older kids are home, one of them is usually holding her and two others are in line. The little girls love to hold her too, and Allison and Sarah are quite good at it. Even Eliza can be trusted to sit quietly for a good stretch with Katie on her lap. Harmony, on the other hand? She insists ten times a day that she wants to " 'old her!" Then she pats Katie, pulls off her blankets to examine her feet, and abruptly hands her back when she's done.
And what are the chances that I start taking photos of her yesterday and she chooses that moment to give me her first wide awake grin?
And what are the chances that I start taking photos of her yesterday and she chooses that moment to give me her first wide awake grin?
(Joey took the next two photos)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Katie and I greeted the dawn this morning. She had her eyes fully open and lay peacefully in my arms as I rocked her this morning at 5 a.m. My eyes were not so alert, after waking up two previous times during the night to tend to her and one time to rock and hold Harmony. It was a tough night that followed a tough day.
But as the light from the sun began to fill the nursery with softness and warmth, I felt two emotions simultaneously. The first, an awe at the beautiful gift I held in my arms and a gratitude for the privilege of being her mother and being able to sacrifice for her. The second, exhaustion and fear about my ability to handle the demands of the day and maintain my patience with my children.
And thus is the postpartum roller coaster. Either I feel on top of the world, or I feel that the world is on top of me.
Yesterday, I was at my wit's end. My feeble attempts at a nap had been thwarted by interruptions and my night sleep is so disjointed and interrupted as to rip my nerves to shreds. None of my babies have been good sleepers, but Katie has been one of my worst. At least some of the others could give me four or five hours at a time. Up until this week, Katie wanted to be fed every two hours like clockwork, day or night. This week, I was pleased when she extended that to three hours before her first night waking. The last baby I had who slept so poorly was Joey, my second.
I might as well admit it: When I'm tired, I'm cranky.
On a normal day, irritations can pile up and I roll with the punches. On a day like yesterday, I just can't handle the toys, blankets, clothes, and legos that are STILL on the floor (despite three kids being asked three times to clean them up), the two loads of laundry I discovered in the washer and dryer after I'd finally folded and started to put away all the rest of it, the defiance and disrespect from a child who wants to do the minimum amount of work for the maximum reward, the garbage and dirty tissues piled up next to the garbage can but not inside, the comments about how dinner should have been improved instead of thanks for a darn good meal, the arguments between children, the missing toothpaste from the kids' bathroom, the sticky kitchen floors, and the feeling that everything depends on me.
My kids were actually rather nice when I lost it last night, yelling and crying in frustration. A couple of them helped me clean up and Joey brought me a glass of ice water just to be nice. DH jumped in with suggestions (not really appreciated), sent me on a sanity-saving trip to the library (very much appreciated) and pulled Lillian in to help fold the last loads of laundry. After dropping off the books that were due two days ago and wandering the quiet aisles, feeling like a failure for losing my temper, I ran to the grocery store for Katie-size diapers (we only had one left) and a cheesecake that looked divine but tasted only so-so (I'm sorry, but if you're going to charge me $12, I expect decadent indulgence to come with all those extra calories).
Then I went home and hoped for a good night's rest.
I didn't get it.
But I did get some lovely moments this morning as I waited for the dawn. I had the time to prepare myself for some tough hours, to pray for help and guidance and to strengthen my resolve to be kind and patient no matter how I felt.
The morning was a challenge, and it took until 10:00 just to get the kitchen clean. Then I got my floors mopped, which brightened my spirits tremendously. And I was pretty patient as I waited for nap time to approach. I didn't even lose it when Sarah bumped the container of strawberry jam and it poured (yes, poured -- this particular container hadn't set up just right) all over my newly-mopped kitchen floor. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
And this afternoon, I got a long, nourishing nap, courtesy of my wonderful neighbor. I called her this morning and asked if the the twins and Eliza could come over during nap time this afternoon. She is a grandma and a great-grandma with plenty of reasons to say no to her tired neighbor but who still has enough time and love for us, and she welcomed them graciously. They planted flowers in her backyard and caught water-skippers in the stream that runs through her yard and I got some glorious sleep.
And once again, I'm on top of the world. I even felt good enough to clean Joey's zone, the family room, and empty a dishwasher for Michael, to thank them for the extra help they gave me last night.
My mom feels overwhelmed with my life. It was wonderful to have her here last week to help me get some rest and to give the little girls some attention, but I think we tired her out. At one point, as we discussed my menu plan, she said she really wanted to help me get it organized, "just anything to make your life easier. . . it's just so overwhelming!" I laughed about that, because usually, I don't find my life overwhelming. And later, I pointed out to her all the wonderful blessings I enjoy that already make my life easier. I have a helpful husband, an oldest daughter who is not only an amazing babysitter but also likes to cook, wonderful neighbors, good friends, a comfortable home, sweet children, a baby with amazing patience and very few fussy times, good health generally, and I love what I do.
But that doesn't mean I don't have my moments. Sometimes I wish it didn't require so much sacrifice of my time and my sleep and my efforts. I worry about how much I can handle, how much I can take before I reach my wit's end again.
Then other times, like when I hold a little piece of heaven in my arms as I rock and nurture a precious new daughter of God, I look forward to the dawn. I can feel myself stretching and becoming more than I was before, and it is worth the growing pains and the stressful times.
But as the light from the sun began to fill the nursery with softness and warmth, I felt two emotions simultaneously. The first, an awe at the beautiful gift I held in my arms and a gratitude for the privilege of being her mother and being able to sacrifice for her. The second, exhaustion and fear about my ability to handle the demands of the day and maintain my patience with my children.
And thus is the postpartum roller coaster. Either I feel on top of the world, or I feel that the world is on top of me.
Yesterday, I was at my wit's end. My feeble attempts at a nap had been thwarted by interruptions and my night sleep is so disjointed and interrupted as to rip my nerves to shreds. None of my babies have been good sleepers, but Katie has been one of my worst. At least some of the others could give me four or five hours at a time. Up until this week, Katie wanted to be fed every two hours like clockwork, day or night. This week, I was pleased when she extended that to three hours before her first night waking. The last baby I had who slept so poorly was Joey, my second.
I might as well admit it: When I'm tired, I'm cranky.
On a normal day, irritations can pile up and I roll with the punches. On a day like yesterday, I just can't handle the toys, blankets, clothes, and legos that are STILL on the floor (despite three kids being asked three times to clean them up), the two loads of laundry I discovered in the washer and dryer after I'd finally folded and started to put away all the rest of it, the defiance and disrespect from a child who wants to do the minimum amount of work for the maximum reward, the garbage and dirty tissues piled up next to the garbage can but not inside, the comments about how dinner should have been improved instead of thanks for a darn good meal, the arguments between children, the missing toothpaste from the kids' bathroom, the sticky kitchen floors, and the feeling that everything depends on me.
My kids were actually rather nice when I lost it last night, yelling and crying in frustration. A couple of them helped me clean up and Joey brought me a glass of ice water just to be nice. DH jumped in with suggestions (not really appreciated), sent me on a sanity-saving trip to the library (very much appreciated) and pulled Lillian in to help fold the last loads of laundry. After dropping off the books that were due two days ago and wandering the quiet aisles, feeling like a failure for losing my temper, I ran to the grocery store for Katie-size diapers (we only had one left) and a cheesecake that looked divine but tasted only so-so (I'm sorry, but if you're going to charge me $12, I expect decadent indulgence to come with all those extra calories).
Then I went home and hoped for a good night's rest.
I didn't get it.
But I did get some lovely moments this morning as I waited for the dawn. I had the time to prepare myself for some tough hours, to pray for help and guidance and to strengthen my resolve to be kind and patient no matter how I felt.
The morning was a challenge, and it took until 10:00 just to get the kitchen clean. Then I got my floors mopped, which brightened my spirits tremendously. And I was pretty patient as I waited for nap time to approach. I didn't even lose it when Sarah bumped the container of strawberry jam and it poured (yes, poured -- this particular container hadn't set up just right) all over my newly-mopped kitchen floor. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
And this afternoon, I got a long, nourishing nap, courtesy of my wonderful neighbor. I called her this morning and asked if the the twins and Eliza could come over during nap time this afternoon. She is a grandma and a great-grandma with plenty of reasons to say no to her tired neighbor but who still has enough time and love for us, and she welcomed them graciously. They planted flowers in her backyard and caught water-skippers in the stream that runs through her yard and I got some glorious sleep.
And once again, I'm on top of the world. I even felt good enough to clean Joey's zone, the family room, and empty a dishwasher for Michael, to thank them for the extra help they gave me last night.
My mom feels overwhelmed with my life. It was wonderful to have her here last week to help me get some rest and to give the little girls some attention, but I think we tired her out. At one point, as we discussed my menu plan, she said she really wanted to help me get it organized, "just anything to make your life easier. . . it's just so overwhelming!" I laughed about that, because usually, I don't find my life overwhelming. And later, I pointed out to her all the wonderful blessings I enjoy that already make my life easier. I have a helpful husband, an oldest daughter who is not only an amazing babysitter but also likes to cook, wonderful neighbors, good friends, a comfortable home, sweet children, a baby with amazing patience and very few fussy times, good health generally, and I love what I do.
But that doesn't mean I don't have my moments. Sometimes I wish it didn't require so much sacrifice of my time and my sleep and my efforts. I worry about how much I can handle, how much I can take before I reach my wit's end again.
Then other times, like when I hold a little piece of heaven in my arms as I rock and nurture a precious new daughter of God, I look forward to the dawn. I can feel myself stretching and becoming more than I was before, and it is worth the growing pains and the stressful times.
Be careful about scrolling down -- this is a warning for those of you who don't like snakes.
Oh, you'll want to look at this one of Katie's second cousin.
And isn't this one adorable? He's a week old and was nearly nine pounds at birth!
But I'm warning you to quit right after this next one if you don't like snakes!
Want to see more? Well, you may remember this post from last summer.
Oh, you'll want to look at this one of Katie's second cousin.
And isn't this one adorable? He's a week old and was nearly nine pounds at birth!
But I'm warning you to quit right after this next one if you don't like snakes!
Didn't look away yet? Well, don't say I didn't warn you!
She comes by her love of snakes honestly. I blame her older brothers and sisters.
Want to see more? Well, you may remember this post from last summer.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I think newborn photography is my favorite, especially when it's my own little baby! I finally caught Katie when she was asleep for a few minutes this afternoon. She didn't stay asleep for more than a few minutes once I started posing her, but long enough to get some beautiful shots.
I know these next two shots are similar, but I love them both and can't decide which one I like better.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saturday night, I told the kids all I wanted for Mother's Day was a card from each of them telling me they loved me. Sunday morning, after a nice breakfast and presentations of the cards (Lillian helped the little ones create them), I told them all I wanted was a picture of all of my kids together. They were nice to accommodate me, even though by the time we got everyone dressed for Church and ready for a picture, Harmony was cranky and uncooperative and I was a bit stressed out and bossy myself. Lillian is camera-shy on the best of days, but she smiled and sat nicely anyway, Allison smiled even though two minutes earlier she'd been pouting, and Joey put up with Harmony screaming in his ear. Yep, they really must love me.
And wow, that's a lot of kids. I still can't believe I have eight of these rascals.
Plus six girls! SIX!
And wow, that's a lot of kids. I still can't believe I have eight of these rascals.
Plus six girls! SIX!Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I thought about calling this post "Easing Back into Real Life," but with eight kids, there's no "easing" into anything. I fully enjoyed and savored the quiet peace of the hospital with Katie, knowing that there would be few quiet moments in the weeks to come.
It was hilarious to come home last Wednesday. As we drove up to our house, I could see bikes and wiggle racers strewn all over the driveway and sidewalk. When we walked in the door, the first person to come running up to me was Sarah, calling out excitedly, “Mommy, I caught a snake!” and waving it towards my face. The other kids came running to see Katie and asked to hold her and I knew I was home.
That first night home, I was up with Sarah twice, once because she had a nightmare and once because she had a painful rash that needed tending, Harmony once because she’s sick and stuffed up, and Katie three times. I woke up the next morning with a smile, "Yep, I'm home!" I was grateful my mother-in-law was here to help me get some rest during the day.
Harmony’s been sick all week with a cold that’s made her extra cranky. Since all she wants to do is hold and touch Katie, it’s been a bit of a challenge to keep the germs at bay. When her cold refused to subside, DH took Harmony to the doctor Saturday to discover she has a sinus infection and double ear infections. She’s been doing a bit better after starting antibiotics.
DH's been very busy and also ended up sick last week. He was gone to a conference most of last weekend and he'll be leaving again tomorrow for another conference. That makes three out of the last four weekends he'll be gone. Luckily, I'm blessed to have my mom here this week to help.
***
I've had a lot to think about this week as I brought our newest miracle home, but since most don't merit a blog post on their own, I thought I'd just dump a few of them on you.
* What a privilege it is to be a mother.
* What's with nurses and swaddling? My poor baby spent the last few months confined to a teeny tiny space and now they're going to restrict her freedom to move again? None of my babies, save Eliza, have wanted to be swaddled. They all seem happier to have their arms free while being cuddled. Eliza, on the other hand, loved being wrapped up and was one of my easiest babies to put to sleep. I'd swaddle her up tightly, lie her in her crib with a pacifier, and she'd fall asleep in a few minutes. And she did that up until she was five months old. She was a dream baby.
* Wow, the Rachels were here and they cleaned my house! I've got some awesome friends.
* And they mopped my floors? That's going above and beyond!
* What's with the kids leaving their dirty socks everywhere? I'm SO tired of picking up other people's dirty socks.
* I'm so glad my mother-in-law is here. She's organized our videos, cleaned off our porches, made yummy food, and given the little girls wonderful attention. And those naps I've been able to take have been so nourishing.
* I'm so glad we have a crib upstairs to lie Katie in. Those bars are great protection from too-eager hands.
* Awake at 4 a.m. again?
* Eek, gotta get Harmony's nose wiped and keep those hands away from Katie!
* Maybe if I put her down really gently, she'll stay asleep. Guess not.
* Why does everyone act like I should be lying in bed? I want to be up and around.
* Five in a row! This is going to be so much fun for these little girls to grow up. I can almost picture them as five teenagers sitting on the couch posing for pictures. But only almost.
* The kids are so good to Katie. There's never any shortage of hands to hold her.
* Katie is such a sweet baby. I can't believe I've been privileged to do this eight times. Each time I wonder if something might go wrong and each time I thank God for the miracle of another perfect baby.
* I'm really glad Harmony loves those Legos so much, but this is the fifth time I've cleaned these up today.
* Wow, I'm sore. Maybe I should do more lying in bed.
* That really is the cutest outfit the Hatches brought me. I'm glad people don't just assume I have enough clothes. While it's fun to see Katie wear something all her sisters have worn, it's thrilling to see her in something new.
* Why does your fussy time have to be right when I'm drifting off into peaceful, oblivious slumber?
* Oh! Gotta get Harmony's nose again.
* Australian animal reports due, Mother Goose fair, fifth grade maturation program, strings concert, school survey, field trip permission slips . . . doesn't the school know we just had a new baby?
* I know DH's feeling rotten today, but I'm so glad he found time to put together that crib. And look how awesome it fits in that corner of the nursery. Harmony's so excited to see Katie lying in it. I'm glad we have nice neighbors who gave it to us.
* I really need to be grateful Katie is such a pleasant baby. I still don't know how my sister handled five fussy babies -- she amazes me.
* I still need to find a time to get some sleeping newborn shots of Katie when the light's good. Oh well, at least I got some cute ones of her awake the other day.
* I have the best life.
It was hilarious to come home last Wednesday. As we drove up to our house, I could see bikes and wiggle racers strewn all over the driveway and sidewalk. When we walked in the door, the first person to come running up to me was Sarah, calling out excitedly, “Mommy, I caught a snake!” and waving it towards my face. The other kids came running to see Katie and asked to hold her and I knew I was home.
That first night home, I was up with Sarah twice, once because she had a nightmare and once because she had a painful rash that needed tending, Harmony once because she’s sick and stuffed up, and Katie three times. I woke up the next morning with a smile, "Yep, I'm home!" I was grateful my mother-in-law was here to help me get some rest during the day.Harmony’s been sick all week with a cold that’s made her extra cranky. Since all she wants to do is hold and touch Katie, it’s been a bit of a challenge to keep the germs at bay. When her cold refused to subside, DH took Harmony to the doctor Saturday to discover she has a sinus infection and double ear infections. She’s been doing a bit better after starting antibiotics.
DH's been very busy and also ended up sick last week. He was gone to a conference most of last weekend and he'll be leaving again tomorrow for another conference. That makes three out of the last four weekends he'll be gone. Luckily, I'm blessed to have my mom here this week to help.
***
I've had a lot to think about this week as I brought our newest miracle home, but since most don't merit a blog post on their own, I thought I'd just dump a few of them on you.
* What a privilege it is to be a mother.
* What's with nurses and swaddling? My poor baby spent the last few months confined to a teeny tiny space and now they're going to restrict her freedom to move again? None of my babies, save Eliza, have wanted to be swaddled. They all seem happier to have their arms free while being cuddled. Eliza, on the other hand, loved being wrapped up and was one of my easiest babies to put to sleep. I'd swaddle her up tightly, lie her in her crib with a pacifier, and she'd fall asleep in a few minutes. And she did that up until she was five months old. She was a dream baby.
* Wow, the Rachels were here and they cleaned my house! I've got some awesome friends.
* And they mopped my floors? That's going above and beyond!
* What's with the kids leaving their dirty socks everywhere? I'm SO tired of picking up other people's dirty socks.
* I'm so glad my mother-in-law is here. She's organized our videos, cleaned off our porches, made yummy food, and given the little girls wonderful attention. And those naps I've been able to take have been so nourishing.
* I'm so glad we have a crib upstairs to lie Katie in. Those bars are great protection from too-eager hands.
* Awake at 4 a.m. again?
* Eek, gotta get Harmony's nose wiped and keep those hands away from Katie!
* Maybe if I put her down really gently, she'll stay asleep. Guess not.
* Why does everyone act like I should be lying in bed? I want to be up and around.
* Five in a row! This is going to be so much fun for these little girls to grow up. I can almost picture them as five teenagers sitting on the couch posing for pictures. But only almost.
* The kids are so good to Katie. There's never any shortage of hands to hold her.
* Katie is such a sweet baby. I can't believe I've been privileged to do this eight times. Each time I wonder if something might go wrong and each time I thank God for the miracle of another perfect baby.
* I'm really glad Harmony loves those Legos so much, but this is the fifth time I've cleaned these up today.
* Wow, I'm sore. Maybe I should do more lying in bed.
* That really is the cutest outfit the Hatches brought me. I'm glad people don't just assume I have enough clothes. While it's fun to see Katie wear something all her sisters have worn, it's thrilling to see her in something new.
* Why does your fussy time have to be right when I'm drifting off into peaceful, oblivious slumber?
* Oh! Gotta get Harmony's nose again.
* Australian animal reports due, Mother Goose fair, fifth grade maturation program, strings concert, school survey, field trip permission slips . . . doesn't the school know we just had a new baby?
* I know DH's feeling rotten today, but I'm so glad he found time to put together that crib. And look how awesome it fits in that corner of the nursery. Harmony's so excited to see Katie lying in it. I'm glad we have nice neighbors who gave it to us.
* I really need to be grateful Katie is such a pleasant baby. I still don't know how my sister handled five fussy babies -- she amazes me.
* I still need to find a time to get some sleeping newborn shots of Katie when the light's good. Oh well, at least I got some cute ones of her awake the other day.
* I have the best life.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I was really hoping to go into labor on my own this time, but I felt good about scheduling an induction for May 3rd, 6 days before my due date. For one thing, DH had a conference in a nearby city he was presenting at this weekend, and while he would only be forty minutes away, I didn't relish the possibility of having our child without him. And frankly, I was tired of being pregnant and it was nice to have an end date. My doctor said that while I'd have to have an IV, we would start by breaking my water and see how things progressed. Since I'd usually delivered within a few hours of my water being broken, I figured the odds I wouldn't need pitocin were pretty good, and the comfort of being able to plan and arrange for my children's needs outweighed my distaste for IVs.
Monday arrived and I woke up at 5 a.m., unable to get back to sleep. The hospital is supposed to call as soon as they have room. With Eliza, I went in at 6 in the morning, and with Harmony, around 9, so I planned accordingly, having our dear friend Val Cooper be on call for the day shift, and planning on having DH available that evening after the birth.
When the hospital hadn't called by 7, I called over to find out that every room was full and that I was only second on their list to call. They said to give it a few hours. I called my friend Rachel, who had worked the night shift. She said that they'd been so busy, they'd had every room full plus some triage rooms that were usually empty. I crossed my fingers. At 9, I called again. Still full and now I'd been bumped behind another gal who required an induction for health reasons. At 10, I got tired of waiting and hoping and took the little girls on an outing to the Bean Life Science Museum at BYU. They had a great time and I was glad for something to do. We drove over and picked up the twins from kindergarten, and came home for lunch. At noon, I figured the chances of getting in that day were slim, since my doctor didn't want me to start any later than 2:00, and I resigned myself to waiting another day. I was tired by then and decided it was probably better that way anyway. I'd get a nap and a full night's rest.
At 12:15, I was surprised to hear my phone ring. It was the hospital -- how soon could I get there? Val Cooper came over to watch the girls, DH drove home from work and we were on our way. On the way there, I reminded him that his job was to tell me I was doing a good job. "I'll probably get to a point at the end -- all the books say it -- where I think I can't do it anymore. Just encourage me and remind me that all I have to do is one contraction at a time. If necessary, have me look at the clock and set a goal to do five more minutes or so."
We arrived, got the paperwork signed, went to room nine, and met the charge nurse. I told her I was planning on going without an epidural and to please assign me a good nurse. As she started the infant monitor and we visited, I asked for advice. "Just try to relax and take yourself away. Breathing helps. And almost every mom gets to a point where she thinks she can't do it anymore, and right after that, the baby comes."
(one last pregnancy picture -- so excited to get this baby born!)
While we waited for my doctor, my friend Rachel called, "Did you get in?"
"Yep -- we're just waiting for the doctor. Any last words of advice?"
"Just remember that transition is really tough. Most women feel like they can't do it anymore and they want to quit. Usually the baby is born right after that."
My nurse came in at that point and I took an immediate liking to her. It helped that her name was Katie. She gave me a hep-loc around 2:20 (a hep-loc is an IV line that's capped off so it's not attached to anything). My doctor arrived and broke my water about 2:30. I was extremely nervous about what might happen next. Every other time, my contractions have been very intense after my water's broken and I worried that the intensity would be too much to take right up front. I also knew that every other time, I'd already been in labor when my water was broken, so things could be different.
Things were different. I started having contractions, but they were fairly mild and about fifteen minutes apart. I started rating my contractions after about a half an hour. One book I'd read suggested that rather than trying to take your mind away from the pain, you should engage your analytical mind into exploring the pain rather than just reacting to it. Pay attention to where it starts, where it hurts, how long it lasts, and compare it to other pain you've experienced. I decided that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most difficult pain I could imagine and the limit of my endurance, the contractions right then were about a 3. Over the next hour and a half, they got a little stronger and closer together, until by 4:00, they were every ten minutes or so and I was rating them a 4. By 4:30, I still wasn't really in active labor, so we decided to start low dose of pitocin and increase it every half hour as needed.
The next two hours things picked up progressively, and I went from a level 2 of pitocin to a level 5 gradually. I had come to the hospital 3.5 cm and 90% effaced and I didn't progress very quickly. I got to 5 cm and 95% effaced after a few hours, but despite some tough contractions -- I rated them between 5 and 6 now -- I wasn't changing much. By 6:00, contractions were coming every 4 minutes or so. Up until that point, I'd been able to read, but I put the book away then.
Our friend Val had to go home to tend to her family, so Lillian was in charge at home. DH left at 6:00 to get take-out for the kids and check on them. When he left, I was coping well with the contractions. It was nice to move around a bit and shift positions on the bed, though I really didn't feel at all like walking or doing much other than relaxing and waiting. It was nice to have had those first quiet hours of labor because by the time contractions started to hit me hard, I was really excited to get things going and I (almost) couldn't wait for things to get harder, knowing that would bring me closer to my baby's birth.
By the time DH got back, at around 6:30, my contractions were a little harder, but still manageable. He went for a short walk around 6:40, and then things started to get more exciting. One of my contractions was really tough, about an 8.5 or so, and I called him on his phone -- "Get here now." I'd promised DH I'd do my best not to yell at him at any point, and I am proud to say I didn't, though I did get a little terse perhaps. The nurse, who'd by now had changed to a young woman named Hayley, could tell things were getting tougher and called my doctor.
My doctor couldn't have been more accommodating. She came in at 7:00 and stayed close by until delivery at 8:30. She told the nurse she'd rather be there for a couple of hours than miss the birth completely. She spent lots of time in my room and talking with her and the nurse really helped me through a lot of tough contractions. Most of them were coming in at a level 8 intensity and they were getting between 2 and 3 minutes apart. When I had a couple of really tough ones with virtually no break in between, she had the pitocin turned down a few levels.
By 8:00, I was tired and the pains were pretty overwhelming. I also hadn't progressed much. The doctor only checked me when I asked, but I hadn't really done much other than go to 6 cm by that point. I refused to be discouraged, knowing how quickly I can progress. To cope, I mostly just held on, closed my eyes, and waited for the peak of each contraction, then tried to enjoy the relief as they subsided. Sometimes I hummed to myself (the song stuck in my head the entire birth was "Cradle Me, Lord,"), and sometimes I held my husband's hand. I did a tiny bit of deep breathing, but mostly I just took the birth one contraction at a time.
I rated my contractions at that point at level 9. The pain, which was searing and intense, wasn't just in my belly, it was down both of my legs and no longer subsided between contractions. I started to worry that I would probably reach 10 and beyond before this experience was over and wondered if I could handle it. Around 8:15, the contractions were excruciating, as was the pain between them and though I'd been quiet up to that point, I started to cry out when they hit. After my first all-out "This is a 10!" contraction, I gasped to the nurse quietly, "I think I might be one of those women who give up right at the end. I don't know how much more I can take." I had the smallest thought that perhaps I was close, but I also didn't want to get my hopes up. It surprised me that even with all the reminders of how tough that last bit was, I was just like everyone else and wanted to give up. Since I hadn't progressed much up to that point, I felt I had to face the fact that it really could be several hours at that intensity.
"Don't worry," the nurse assured me, "we can do an epidural if you really want, but we'll check you first. You're probably close."
The next contraction hit with more force than I believed possible. I was curled up on my side and gripped the sides of the bed as I felt the change. "Ahhhhhhh! She's here! I'm ready to push." The doctor checked me really fast as I gasped for breath and I tried to roll onto my back to push her out. The pain in my legs was too intense to move that way. They felt paralyzed. Instead, I rolled over onto my tummy. They lowered the end of the bed so I was on my knees with my head burrowed into the pillow. The next contraction hit and I pushed!
"I'm pushing! Can you see her? Is she there? Owwwwwwww! Can you see her?"
"She's coming!" they assured me, and then I felt the most intense pain ever right as the contraction subsided. Nothing prepared me for the ring of fire as the baby's head crowned and stayed there for a moment as I waited for another contraction. It was a relief to push her into the world with the next contraction. With her head out, they asked me to push for her shoulders, but I said, "Wait. I'm not having a contraction yet." A moment later, the next contraction began and I pushed through it and felt my baby slip into the world. I could hear her cry but I couldn't see her.
I felt a huge sense of relief but also incredible physical intensity. I rolled over onto my back and began to shake uncontrollably. The placenta was delivered without too much pain. I continued to shake as the nurses cleaned and weighed the baby and DH attended to her. Unlike my other births, when I've been anxious and felt such joy at the baby's arrival, this time I was rather uninterested in holding her until my body had calmed down. I was grateful DH was there for her. I had torn during delivery, so I endured many shots of local anesthetic and some stitches before I felt ready to hold Katie.
As soon as I did, I felt the joy and the excitement I had at my other births. She was beautiful, perfect, and so peaceful. She nursed right away, longer than some of my other babies and more intensely. As the shaking subsided, I felt so strong and proud of myself for enduring and meeting the challenge of each contraction.
DH left to see to the kids at home at this time. Lillian -- bless her heart -- had put everyone but Joey to bed and she and Joey were eagerly awaiting news. After an hour with her, I let them take Katie down to the nursery for her bath. I still had lingering pain in my legs, so I was grateful for the wheelchair that brought me downstairs. When I got to my room, I had a few moments to set things down, use the bathroom, then get rid of that IV for good (hooray!). Then I was ready to take advantage of my full mobility and walked down to the nursery. They'd had three babies born within moments of each other, so they hadn't bathed Katherine yet. It was wonderful to be there for that, since usually that's DH's job. I felt great, and it was thrilling to not be numb this time. I had to get a picture -- here's me two hours after delivering Katie (see the clock? It's 10:36), up and around and on top of the world.
So, would I change anything? Not at all. I'm so pleased with how Katie's birth went. It was wonderful and empowering and I am absolutely proud of myself for how I handled everything. I took full advantage of the mobility I had after delivery and I really appreciate the experience for what it taught me about my body and coping with pain. I was especially pleased that other than the pain of the moment of birth, I understood my body and was able to accurately gauge the intensity of contractions and what I could endure. It amazes me that as soon as I started rating my contractions at a 10, they started doing the work and my baby came within fifteen minutes. I was proud of how calm and collected and in control I felt. I'm especially pleased that I didn't yell at anyone. =)
Would I birth this way again? Actually, I'm undecided. This birth was definitely different than my others, but I don't feel I missed out on anything with my epidural births. I don't regret a minute of them, just as I don't regret anything about this birth. I didn't feel that the experience without the epidural was more meaningful in a spiritual or emotional way. There is a wonderful physical satisfaction I feel from doing something hard, from finding the courage inside myself to face the pain and conquer it, but I won't feel a bit disappointed if I decide to get an epidural next time. In fact, to avoid that last thirty minutes and especially that excruciating ring of fire, I think it is probably worth the few hours of numbness after the birth -- and I had a quick, relatively easy delivery, with 2 hours of mild labor, 2 hours of fairly difficult pains, then 2 hours of intensity! I don't know how women do it who have to push for a long time or who labor for endless hours. I feel a great awe at what generations of women have done to bring children into the world, with none of the pain relief available today.
While I enjoyed the mobility I had after the birth to walk to the nursery and be up and moving, the rest of the recovery was about the same as my other births (As a side note, after you've had eight children, the doctors and nurses figure you know what you're talking about when you rate your bleeding as "average"). In fact, though I've bounced back fairly quickly after all my births, it's still my twin birth that I recovered from the fastest (other than 8 weeks of bleeding). They were my smallest babies and I didn't tear that time, so I really felt good afterward and ready to conquer the world.
And in the end, no matter how she arrived, she's here -- small, perfect, beautiful, fresh from heaven and bringing the peace and purity of her divinity with her. I'm so grateful for my life and the privilege of being a mother.
What a precious gift this little girl is!
Monday arrived and I woke up at 5 a.m., unable to get back to sleep. The hospital is supposed to call as soon as they have room. With Eliza, I went in at 6 in the morning, and with Harmony, around 9, so I planned accordingly, having our dear friend Val Cooper be on call for the day shift, and planning on having DH available that evening after the birth.
When the hospital hadn't called by 7, I called over to find out that every room was full and that I was only second on their list to call. They said to give it a few hours. I called my friend Rachel, who had worked the night shift. She said that they'd been so busy, they'd had every room full plus some triage rooms that were usually empty. I crossed my fingers. At 9, I called again. Still full and now I'd been bumped behind another gal who required an induction for health reasons. At 10, I got tired of waiting and hoping and took the little girls on an outing to the Bean Life Science Museum at BYU. They had a great time and I was glad for something to do. We drove over and picked up the twins from kindergarten, and came home for lunch. At noon, I figured the chances of getting in that day were slim, since my doctor didn't want me to start any later than 2:00, and I resigned myself to waiting another day. I was tired by then and decided it was probably better that way anyway. I'd get a nap and a full night's rest.
At 12:15, I was surprised to hear my phone ring. It was the hospital -- how soon could I get there? Val Cooper came over to watch the girls, DH drove home from work and we were on our way. On the way there, I reminded him that his job was to tell me I was doing a good job. "I'll probably get to a point at the end -- all the books say it -- where I think I can't do it anymore. Just encourage me and remind me that all I have to do is one contraction at a time. If necessary, have me look at the clock and set a goal to do five more minutes or so."
We arrived, got the paperwork signed, went to room nine, and met the charge nurse. I told her I was planning on going without an epidural and to please assign me a good nurse. As she started the infant monitor and we visited, I asked for advice. "Just try to relax and take yourself away. Breathing helps. And almost every mom gets to a point where she thinks she can't do it anymore, and right after that, the baby comes."
(one last pregnancy picture -- so excited to get this baby born!)While we waited for my doctor, my friend Rachel called, "Did you get in?"
"Yep -- we're just waiting for the doctor. Any last words of advice?"
"Just remember that transition is really tough. Most women feel like they can't do it anymore and they want to quit. Usually the baby is born right after that."
My nurse came in at that point and I took an immediate liking to her. It helped that her name was Katie. She gave me a hep-loc around 2:20 (a hep-loc is an IV line that's capped off so it's not attached to anything). My doctor arrived and broke my water about 2:30. I was extremely nervous about what might happen next. Every other time, my contractions have been very intense after my water's broken and I worried that the intensity would be too much to take right up front. I also knew that every other time, I'd already been in labor when my water was broken, so things could be different.
Things were different. I started having contractions, but they were fairly mild and about fifteen minutes apart. I started rating my contractions after about a half an hour. One book I'd read suggested that rather than trying to take your mind away from the pain, you should engage your analytical mind into exploring the pain rather than just reacting to it. Pay attention to where it starts, where it hurts, how long it lasts, and compare it to other pain you've experienced. I decided that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most difficult pain I could imagine and the limit of my endurance, the contractions right then were about a 3. Over the next hour and a half, they got a little stronger and closer together, until by 4:00, they were every ten minutes or so and I was rating them a 4. By 4:30, I still wasn't really in active labor, so we decided to start low dose of pitocin and increase it every half hour as needed.
The next two hours things picked up progressively, and I went from a level 2 of pitocin to a level 5 gradually. I had come to the hospital 3.5 cm and 90% effaced and I didn't progress very quickly. I got to 5 cm and 95% effaced after a few hours, but despite some tough contractions -- I rated them between 5 and 6 now -- I wasn't changing much. By 6:00, contractions were coming every 4 minutes or so. Up until that point, I'd been able to read, but I put the book away then.
Our friend Val had to go home to tend to her family, so Lillian was in charge at home. DH left at 6:00 to get take-out for the kids and check on them. When he left, I was coping well with the contractions. It was nice to move around a bit and shift positions on the bed, though I really didn't feel at all like walking or doing much other than relaxing and waiting. It was nice to have had those first quiet hours of labor because by the time contractions started to hit me hard, I was really excited to get things going and I (almost) couldn't wait for things to get harder, knowing that would bring me closer to my baby's birth.
By the time DH got back, at around 6:30, my contractions were a little harder, but still manageable. He went for a short walk around 6:40, and then things started to get more exciting. One of my contractions was really tough, about an 8.5 or so, and I called him on his phone -- "Get here now." I'd promised DH I'd do my best not to yell at him at any point, and I am proud to say I didn't, though I did get a little terse perhaps. The nurse, who'd by now had changed to a young woman named Hayley, could tell things were getting tougher and called my doctor.
My doctor couldn't have been more accommodating. She came in at 7:00 and stayed close by until delivery at 8:30. She told the nurse she'd rather be there for a couple of hours than miss the birth completely. She spent lots of time in my room and talking with her and the nurse really helped me through a lot of tough contractions. Most of them were coming in at a level 8 intensity and they were getting between 2 and 3 minutes apart. When I had a couple of really tough ones with virtually no break in between, she had the pitocin turned down a few levels.
By 8:00, I was tired and the pains were pretty overwhelming. I also hadn't progressed much. The doctor only checked me when I asked, but I hadn't really done much other than go to 6 cm by that point. I refused to be discouraged, knowing how quickly I can progress. To cope, I mostly just held on, closed my eyes, and waited for the peak of each contraction, then tried to enjoy the relief as they subsided. Sometimes I hummed to myself (the song stuck in my head the entire birth was "Cradle Me, Lord,"), and sometimes I held my husband's hand. I did a tiny bit of deep breathing, but mostly I just took the birth one contraction at a time.
I rated my contractions at that point at level 9. The pain, which was searing and intense, wasn't just in my belly, it was down both of my legs and no longer subsided between contractions. I started to worry that I would probably reach 10 and beyond before this experience was over and wondered if I could handle it. Around 8:15, the contractions were excruciating, as was the pain between them and though I'd been quiet up to that point, I started to cry out when they hit. After my first all-out "This is a 10!" contraction, I gasped to the nurse quietly, "I think I might be one of those women who give up right at the end. I don't know how much more I can take." I had the smallest thought that perhaps I was close, but I also didn't want to get my hopes up. It surprised me that even with all the reminders of how tough that last bit was, I was just like everyone else and wanted to give up. Since I hadn't progressed much up to that point, I felt I had to face the fact that it really could be several hours at that intensity.
"Don't worry," the nurse assured me, "we can do an epidural if you really want, but we'll check you first. You're probably close."
The next contraction hit with more force than I believed possible. I was curled up on my side and gripped the sides of the bed as I felt the change. "Ahhhhhhh! She's here! I'm ready to push." The doctor checked me really fast as I gasped for breath and I tried to roll onto my back to push her out. The pain in my legs was too intense to move that way. They felt paralyzed. Instead, I rolled over onto my tummy. They lowered the end of the bed so I was on my knees with my head burrowed into the pillow. The next contraction hit and I pushed!
"I'm pushing! Can you see her? Is she there? Owwwwwwww! Can you see her?"
"She's coming!" they assured me, and then I felt the most intense pain ever right as the contraction subsided. Nothing prepared me for the ring of fire as the baby's head crowned and stayed there for a moment as I waited for another contraction. It was a relief to push her into the world with the next contraction. With her head out, they asked me to push for her shoulders, but I said, "Wait. I'm not having a contraction yet." A moment later, the next contraction began and I pushed through it and felt my baby slip into the world. I could hear her cry but I couldn't see her.
I felt a huge sense of relief but also incredible physical intensity. I rolled over onto my back and began to shake uncontrollably. The placenta was delivered without too much pain. I continued to shake as the nurses cleaned and weighed the baby and DH attended to her. Unlike my other births, when I've been anxious and felt such joy at the baby's arrival, this time I was rather uninterested in holding her until my body had calmed down. I was grateful DH was there for her. I had torn during delivery, so I endured many shots of local anesthetic and some stitches before I felt ready to hold Katie.
As soon as I did, I felt the joy and the excitement I had at my other births. She was beautiful, perfect, and so peaceful. She nursed right away, longer than some of my other babies and more intensely. As the shaking subsided, I felt so strong and proud of myself for enduring and meeting the challenge of each contraction.
DH left to see to the kids at home at this time. Lillian -- bless her heart -- had put everyone but Joey to bed and she and Joey were eagerly awaiting news. After an hour with her, I let them take Katie down to the nursery for her bath. I still had lingering pain in my legs, so I was grateful for the wheelchair that brought me downstairs. When I got to my room, I had a few moments to set things down, use the bathroom, then get rid of that IV for good (hooray!). Then I was ready to take advantage of my full mobility and walked down to the nursery. They'd had three babies born within moments of each other, so they hadn't bathed Katherine yet. It was wonderful to be there for that, since usually that's DH's job. I felt great, and it was thrilling to not be numb this time. I had to get a picture -- here's me two hours after delivering Katie (see the clock? It's 10:36), up and around and on top of the world.
So, would I change anything? Not at all. I'm so pleased with how Katie's birth went. It was wonderful and empowering and I am absolutely proud of myself for how I handled everything. I took full advantage of the mobility I had after delivery and I really appreciate the experience for what it taught me about my body and coping with pain. I was especially pleased that other than the pain of the moment of birth, I understood my body and was able to accurately gauge the intensity of contractions and what I could endure. It amazes me that as soon as I started rating my contractions at a 10, they started doing the work and my baby came within fifteen minutes. I was proud of how calm and collected and in control I felt. I'm especially pleased that I didn't yell at anyone. =)
Would I birth this way again? Actually, I'm undecided. This birth was definitely different than my others, but I don't feel I missed out on anything with my epidural births. I don't regret a minute of them, just as I don't regret anything about this birth. I didn't feel that the experience without the epidural was more meaningful in a spiritual or emotional way. There is a wonderful physical satisfaction I feel from doing something hard, from finding the courage inside myself to face the pain and conquer it, but I won't feel a bit disappointed if I decide to get an epidural next time. In fact, to avoid that last thirty minutes and especially that excruciating ring of fire, I think it is probably worth the few hours of numbness after the birth -- and I had a quick, relatively easy delivery, with 2 hours of mild labor, 2 hours of fairly difficult pains, then 2 hours of intensity! I don't know how women do it who have to push for a long time or who labor for endless hours. I feel a great awe at what generations of women have done to bring children into the world, with none of the pain relief available today.
While I enjoyed the mobility I had after the birth to walk to the nursery and be up and moving, the rest of the recovery was about the same as my other births (As a side note, after you've had eight children, the doctors and nurses figure you know what you're talking about when you rate your bleeding as "average"). In fact, though I've bounced back fairly quickly after all my births, it's still my twin birth that I recovered from the fastest (other than 8 weeks of bleeding). They were my smallest babies and I didn't tear that time, so I really felt good afterward and ready to conquer the world.
And in the end, no matter how she arrived, she's here -- small, perfect, beautiful, fresh from heaven and bringing the peace and purity of her divinity with her. I'm so grateful for my life and the privilege of being a mother.
What a precious gift this little girl is!Thursday, May 6, 2010
I was asked how much my other babies weighed, and everyone has been asking me who I think Katherine looks like. I am really bad at seeing resemblance in my own children. I think Katie looks like herself.
So here's the stats and a newborn photo of each of my children. Lillian was our only one without much hair; even our blondes came with dark full heads of hair at birth.
Who do YOU think Katie looks like?
So here's the stats and a newborn photo of each of my children. Lillian was our only one without much hair; even our blondes came with dark full heads of hair at birth.
Who do YOU think Katie looks like?
Lillian: 4 days late, 7 lbs 10 ounces
Joseph: 6 days early, 7 lbs 4 ounces
Michael: 3.5 weeks early, 6 lbs 13 ounces
Allison & Sarah: 2 weeks early, 5 lbs 10 ounces, and 5 lbs 12 ounces
Eliza: 4 days early, 7 lbs
Harmony: 5 days early, 7 lbs 4 ounces
Katherine: 6 days early, 6 lbs 10 ounces
Joseph: 6 days early, 7 lbs 4 ounces
Michael: 3.5 weeks early, 6 lbs 13 ounces
Allison & Sarah: 2 weeks early, 5 lbs 10 ounces, and 5 lbs 12 ounces
Eliza: 4 days early, 7 lbs
Harmony: 5 days early, 7 lbs 4 ounces
Katherine: 6 days early, 6 lbs 10 ounces
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