California Daddy Trip (Wordless Wednesday)

When Cami was eleven days old, DH took the six oldest kids to California for eight lovely days. I stayed home with Harmony, Katie, and Cami and thoroughly enjoyed a restful week. It's interesting how life with lots of kids changes your capacity and your perspective. I think if DH had proposed leaving me alone with three kids just after our third was born, I would have taken off his head. But this trip was taken with my consent and encouragement.

DH saw to it that the house was clean before he left, and it stayed that way. I ran the dishwasher twice and enjoyed the break from my regular responsibilities.

The main reason for the trip was to visit my husband's grandma, who was celebrating her 90th birthday:

but they also spent a generous amount of time at the beach:

Katie told me at least ten times a day, "Daddy gone. Daddy gone." The homecoming was so sweet, as she and Harmony gave all their siblings and their dad a hero's welcome. Here's Harmony talking to her dad on the phone the day before he returned:

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Daddy Trip Highlights (Wordless Wednesday)

Daddy Trip this year included Joey, Michael, Allison, Sarah, Eliza, and their dad, of course. Ten days of adventure including plenty of camping, bug-hunting, cave-exploring, and scenery-enjoying. They traveled through Reno, Nevada, into California where they saw Lassen Volcanic National Park, Lava Beds National Monument, and Mount Shasta. The trip then took them through Oregon to Crater Lake, Eugene, then over to the coast for Sea Lion Cave and beach-combing. Final loop went down through northern California again, the Redwoods, and Sacramento.

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Monday Musings, Post #2

* Summer is always crazy-busy with 8 kids. We've had great times swimming, playing, and enjoying life. One night, I took a bunch of the kids over to a nearby school where we played baseball. I assumed that Allison, Sarah, Eliza, and Harmony were too young to play and that I'd be playing with just Joey and Michael, but the little girls joined us and had a great time. Joey threw very gentle pitches, I helped the youngest ones hit the ball, and they loved running around the bases. Allison and Sarah even learned to hit the ball on their own. It was a fun night (at least until the mosquitoes came out).

* In general, our rotating work plans are going well. Michael was my partner for the month of June and it was good training time to make sure he knew how to thoroughly do each job as we worked together. We rotated through each week's assignments, and it's nice for me to know that at least once in those three weeks, the jobs will be done right (by me!), though Lillian and Joey are pretty good. Allison is my partner this month, and I'm enjoying the side-by-side time with her.

* I cleaned out my closet last week. It was surprising to me, that even with 25 lbs left to lose, I fit into things I never thought I would, including some cute things from my before-kids teaching days. I even fit into this dress from my engagement days:

There's still no way I'd fit into my wedding dress or my jeans from those days, but it felt great to be trying on things I'd saved for years hoping to finally lose the extra weight.

I gave tons of stuff away. I was surprised to find that many of the clothes I’d kept because I thought they’d look good on me if I was a bit skinnier still didn’t look good on me. =P I was pretty ruthless, deciding that I wasn’t going to keep anything that didn’t flatter as well as fit. I gave away probably 2/3rds of my closet (much of it because it was too big!), and organized everything else. It’s a great feeling to walk into my closet and know that everything in the drawers and on the hangers not only fits me, but looks good on me.

I'm taking a break from the weight loss right now as I finish training for the marathon, and I just might be gaining a lot of baby weight this fall and winter, so it was nice to have some closure for now for my weight loss goals.

* I ran 18 miles on Saturday -- 18 miles! Some training programs have an 18 mile run as the longest run before the marathon. Most go to 20. I want to run a 20 and then a 23 before my marathon, but I know that if I had to, I could at this point finish a marathon. It would be painful those last 8 miles, but I could do it. There's something so satisfying in that knowledge.

* I'm thinking of signing up for an earlier marathon in addition to (or instead of) St. George. The Mesa Falls Marathon in Ashton, Idaho, is calling my name -- a small town in Eastern Idaho, lovely forested route partially on a dirt road, views of an amazing waterfall near Yellowstone, following an old rail line above the Warm River, lonely roads passing fields of wheat and potatoes, a small crowd of only about 500 runners, a free huckleberry shake at the end -- there's something so satisfyingly homey about it. My roots are in Eastern Idaho, even if I did grow up in Boise. I'd easily be ready by August 27th, and I keep looking at the photos of the route and wanting to be there.

* My favorite time of year is upon me -- my awesome incredible husband is off gallivanting the country with five of the kids (Joey through Eliza), while I'm home with Lillian, Harmony and Katie. Lillian goes to girls camp this week and then I'll just have two at home. It has been heavenly to have the concentrated time to catch up on projects without being interrupted (like cleaning out my closet!). No one's whined or complained, there's been no battles about chores, and I don't think there's been a single argument. I love this time to catch my breath and enjoy the quiet. In the meantime, DH and kids are enjoying Lassen Volcanic National Park in California, Crater Lake in Oregon, the Oregon Coast and the California Redwoods. My husband spends months planning every detail of these trips, from menus to venues. They pull a tent trailer and do a lot of camping, they bring along bug cages so they can thoroughly examine all the critters they catch, and they earn Junior Ranger badges at every National Park and Monument.

* I have wonderful neighbors. Just wonderful. I couldn't have asked for better ones, from woman in her 70s who patiently takes care of her three-year-old grandchild (and whose husband invites Joey fishing), to the one who always tells me I'm doing a good job (even when I don't think I am), to the moms I can depend on for eggs or help with children. Last Saturday, Harmony woke up and panicked when she couldn't find me. Instead of waking Lillian, who was in charge, she snuck out the back door, ran around front, and came down the driveway crying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" My sweet older neighbor across the street found her and helped her back inside. This is the same neighbor who keeps a stash of suckers and cookies in a cupboard for when my kids drop by, sometimes daily, for a snack.

This morning, I had a short discussion with another neighbor who shared an experience she had when pregnant with her fifth child where she felt profoundly that she would never be more beautiful that at that point -- doing what she should with her life, filling the measure of her creation, and giving life to another soul. It was moving to hear her.

* I just re-read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and I can't wait to discuss it with my book club on Wednesday -- this time around what struck me most was the level of control that Amy Chua thinks is her right to exercise over her kids. The culminating battle in the book wasn't actually about the violin; it was about forcing her 13-year-old to eat one bite of caviar. Other things that stand out: * when Amy is growing up and receives second place at a school awards night and her father says, "Don't ever shame me again."; * how snobbish Amy is; * how the "Chinese mother" lifestyle Amy claims to be following would be impossible without the gobs of money she and her husband have and spend; * how Amy's life is so unbalanced and unhappy and how she completely missed the boat on the purpose of life -- she can't even find one day to let her mother-in-law enjoy her grandkids? * how RIGHT Amy is about Western parenting in some ways, such as our excessive worry about self-esteem, and our pampered kids who get praised for mediocre work. * how RIGHT Amy is about the value of hard work.

* On those lines, I am fascinated with this letter, written by Amy's daughter about how much she learned from and loves her mom. But I'm also incredibly skeptical about its genuineness, since in the book, Amy constantly hovers and forces her daughters to re-do anything she doesn't think is perfect, from tributes written at Grandma's funeral service to birthday cards. I wonder if Sophia had some "help" finding just the right words for this.

* If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you really need to read the book. Even just to solidify your own beliefs and ideas about parenting. It's a quick read and it's guaranteed to make you think.

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Q&A Thursday: How do you decide who goes on trips?

This question is related to my Chicago trip last week:

So my question is how do you decide which kiddies to take on trips -- obviously the youngest, but then what?

I really don't leave my kids very often. I've only been away overnight from my kids four times in the last twelve years, and almost always, we've taken a child or two with us:

1. We spent one night in a nearby hotel for our 5th anniversary. I was three weeks away from delivering Michael, Lillian was 3 and Joey was 18 months. My in-laws stayed with them.

2. We had an amazing, wonderful, memory-filled trip to Armenia in 2007, where we visited my husband's parents, serving a three-year mission for our Church. On the way back, we enjoyed four lovely days in Paris, which lives up to its hype as a gorgeous city.

At a 2nd-century Roman site in Armenia:

At a monastary near Mount Ararat (tradition says this mountain is where Noah landed):

In beautiful Paris:

Rulon Gardner, of gold medal (and more recently, Biggest Loser) fame sat behind us on the plane ride home and was gracious enough to take a photo with Joey:

We left Lillian (8), Michael (5), and Allison and Sarah (2.75) behind with my brother and sister-in-law and some helpful neighbors (thanks, Justin, Gina, Val and Kirsten. I still owe you big time!). We brought Joey, age 6, and Eliza, age 6 months with us. Bringing Eliza was an easy choice -- she was free to fly and still nursing.

Lillian was frightened of flying, and honestly, we didn't think the twins could handle being away from both their mother and their favorite sister who knew all their routines (that girl has always been amazing!). We chose to take Joey because of his adventurous nature -- he's a born explorer and a delight to travel with. We also brought him because, well, at that time, if there were problems or fighting at home, he was always in the middle of it. He may not always have been the cause of the problems, but he was certainly involved. We knew it would make for an easier group at home if we brought him along, though with two-year-old twins in the mix, easier is relative.

3. Last summer, my husband and I spent six beautiful days in Boston, with three-month-old Katie along (a much easier age to travel with). My mother-in-law stayed home with the other seven, ages 11 down to 2 -- a brave woman!


4. Last week, Joey, Katie and I tagged along to Chicago with DH. My husband was busy all day for three days straight and it wouldn't have been much fun for me to explore alone. It was great to have Joey along.

While I haven't left my kids much, my husband does take some of them along sometimes on business trips and at other times for Daddy Trips. We choose who to take based on these criteria:

* Age. The kids who go on the long daddy trips have to be over three. Those that go on business trips need to be at least nine or ten. Lillian and Joey are the only ones old enough so far to be left alone while my husband attends conferences. They both like to read and can do that for several hours at a time while DH is in classes and presentations (though he also stays an extra day or so when he brings kids along so they can have more concentrated time to explore). Lillian's been to New York and Chicago, and Joey's been to San Francisco, Denver, and Chicago on these tag-along trips. Michael is old enough to enjoy the sights but hates to be alone so it will probably be several years before he goes.

* Interest level. Lillian's stayed home from several trips (like last October's San Diego trip and January's Arizona one) because she likes the quiet and peace at home.

* (Roughly) Equal turns. Lillian went to Chicago two years ago with my husband, so it was Joey's turn last week. We try to be somewhat fair, although I know it will be a little trickier when we have more older kids.

* Willingness to Work for it. Big trips like last week's aren't free for the taking; we charge our kids work hours for their part. For Lillian's first trip to Chicago, she actually earned half of the cost of it, saving up her money for nine long months, but since then we've switched to work hours. Our older kids earn work hours by doing extra jobs like babysitting, yard work, or whatever else we can devise. Joey earned fifty hours for this last trip to Chicago. A lot of that was spent taking Harmony outside to play, but some of it was moving boxes around our storage area, banging off the remaining rebar and concrete from our cold storage area, and really working hard. Michael even worked a couple hours and donated them to Joey's total -- I love it when my kids help each other!

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Arizona Daddy Trip (Wordless Wednesday)

Two weeks ago, my husband took Eliza, Joey and Michael to Arizona to see his sister in Sierra Vista over the long weekend.

They saw the meteor crater in Northern Arizona

went to Goldfield Ghost Town

Visited Tombstone

And went hiking near the Arizona-Mexican border on a trail that commemorates Coronoda's discoveries.

My husband's sister moves to German with her family in a few months, so we were happy some of us could make the trip.

They came back home a day early because my husband was sick. The drive home is lovely -- this is a scene near the Utah-Arizona border.

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Developing a Family Identity

Last fall I read a great article by Orson Scott Card about developing your family’s identity. While the article was geared towards Latter-day Saint families, the principles involved are applicable to all.

What stood out to me was the idea that just because everyone signs their kid up for soccer, dance, karate, track, etc. doesn’t mean your family has to. He suggested finding a couple of things that you do because it’s part of your identity as a family – his family was theater people, for example, and other families he knows are distinguished by their passion for sports or even video games.

He writes, "Instead of taking our priorities from other families, as if we were competing in a hundred Olympic events at once, we can embrace our uniqueness and accept that we don't even want to do a lot of the things other families do so well."

I loved this idea and I’ve decided to look for the things we are passionate about as a family and then not let myself feel guilty about not doing all the rest. For example, I've always felt just a little bit like a failure as a mother because my kids have only ever done one disastrous, time-intensive season of soccer. Silly, I know.

So I’m working on figuring out what our identity is. For one thing, I'm embracing our identity as adventurous travelers. My husband loves to travel, especially since he has a very demanding career and works from home part of the time. He’s stretched very thin, and feels like the only way he can get away from work is to leave town. So we do often. He does daddy trips with the older kids and we also go as a family three or four times a year. I didn’t do a lot of traveling except to Grandma’s house as a child so it's something I'm growing into. And I'm realizing that this is becoming part of our identity: Bartholomews are adventurers.

I also recently signed my kids up for horseback riding lessons. The boys and my twins are sharing a time slot (so they each go every other week) and since the gal charges only $15 an hour for two kids, it is pretty economical. I’ve been so excited to see them do this – completely different from how I feel about a lot of the other activities we’ve done. Most things I sign my kids up for I take them to out of duty or a general “this is good for them even though it’s a pain for me” feeling. THIS is something I could take them to every day and not complain. At least I think I wouldn’t complain.


I’ll still have my kids do other things – piano, track, gymnastics, etc. – because I think there’s value in trying new things and developing skills that you can use to serve others. And as my kids get older, I notice that they choose to direct their own activities in ways I wouldn't have predicted and that are very good for their development. But if I can’t sign up for some of the many things offered because my schedule is too full, I need to remember the things we ARE doing.

We're developing an identity as a family of travelers who enjoys spending time together. We love hiking, swimming, and (so far) horses.

And that's enough, at least for now.

What things does your family do because they love to do it? What would you consider to be part of your family identity?

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San Diego Daddy Trip (Wordless Wednesday)

Just a few that made me smile . . .

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