Monday Musings #5. Still Cold, Still January

*  Though slightly better than last week, it's still cold and miserable here.  Some of my kids are sick and throwing up, which only adds to the sense of claustrophobia while winter is closing in around us.  I'm looking forward to our trip to California in a few weeks.  I even spent some time mapping out a run I want to take along the beach.  Yep, I'm finding my happy place and it's a nine-hour drive away.

On a lighter note, perhaps I should feel sorry for my poor friends in Southern California:

* Much as I try to instill civilization into the minions, at times I feel it might be futile.

Case #1: Yesterday, while helping (i.e. hurrying) one of my daughters into the car before Church, I made the discovery that said daughter had failed to put on any underwear. She tried to deny it but she was marched back inside and ordered to dress appropriately. I wish I could say this was one of my younger children but let's just say she is older than 6.

Case #2: My kids love to visit several older people who live on our street. Last week, Allison, Sarah, and Eliza worked their hearts out making cards and cutting pictures and writing their love for one couple, the Hatches. On Saturday, I told them they could take their stack of love over. They walked out all bundled up and with their arms overflowing (they get a bit carried away with the artwork stuff). They came back twenty minutes later with suckers in their mouths and the piles of artwork still in their hands. When I asked them about it, they said, "Oh yea, Brother and Sister Hatch weren't there, so we went to Sister Bulldog's. She gave us these suckers." Great. And I'm sure the pile of cards intended for another neighbor went unnoticed while she handed out suckers to my greedy beggars.

*  I lost 3.8 lbs my first week on Weight Watchers.  On my second week, I gained one.  No surprise there, as I didn't stick to the plan.  This week, I'm determined to get back on track.

* I had a pretty great week last week.  I've been working harder at our family meal plan, cooking some new, fun recipes, baking bread on Fridays, and giving more time and attention to the other meals.  I've been hitting the treadmill on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6:45, while DH is still home to tame the masses.  No big failures on my part last week, unless you count the one pound I gained (after losing 3.5 the week before).  But I still hit a low point Thursday.  Though my health is mostly better, I still feel like I'm running on empty.  Even on nights when I go to bed early and don't wake up with sick kids, I still wake up tired.  I'm tired of being tired and feeling like there's not much I can do about it.  I'm tired of needing a nap most days.  I was pretty discouraged that day (it didn't help that DH called at the last minute cancelling our date night because of a work obligation).  And that's when I made the mistake of surfing some blogs I haven't visited in a while.  I hopped on one where the shiny perfection and happy faces and constant over-the-top traditions and happy life just made me feel worse.  I should have stayed away, but as I read more and more posts, the fake mommy guilt piled up.  I started to berate myself for not doing fancy Christmas traditions with a fancy elf or printing up fancy scriptures for my kids to memorize or creating a work of art as a family to display prominently in my home.  I don't stay up all night playing the Easter bunny or  . . . and so on.

But then I realized . . . who does?  The trappings of modern day life and the constant barrage of other people's talents on display in the modern age give us a distorted picture of what ordinary, happy life is.  How many good mothers have there been throughout the history of the world who mothered like that?  Probably not very many.  I think of the simplicity of the Little House series, where the children were happy to play with their few toys and to get a penny and a peppermint stick for Christmas.  Somehow, I think that a hundred years ago, if a mother stayed up all night, it was out of necessity, not because she was helping the Easter bunny leave his fancy clues all over the house for her darling kids to enjoy.  The work of life and the demands of every day meant a lot more work and less free time than we have today.

Even if I had the energy, I don't want my home to look like a magazine spread.  I spend extra time on things that are important to me, like photography or keeping a family history or (lately) cooking, but mostly, I crave simplicity.  I like the happiness of working together in our simple traditions.  I just need to keep it in perspective better.  Either that, or  be more careful about what blogs I read.

* While I wouldn't wish health challenges on anyone, there are things you learn, especially about priorities and what is really important. Sister Julie B. Beck, former Relief Society president, spent ten years of her life with diminished capacity.

It was after the birth off her third child that Sister Beck began more than a decade of illnesses that taught her lessons she hopes to share with women today. During this time, she was PTA president, a Primary president and helping on her parents' farm after her father was called as an Assistant to the Twelve Apostles and later as a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy.

With emotion, she recalled moments of despair. "This is my life?" she would ask herself after attacks would send her to bed for days at a time. "I was in a wrestle with the Lord, like Enos, and the answers came in little pieces, in drips and drops, line upon line."

She said she learned to prioritize, to scale down to the bare essentials — make time for personal spiritual growth and for family. The family had daily devotionals and scripture reading; the children received piano lessons and were allowed one other activity. Sister Beck laughed when she related one of the most important lessons she learned during her illnesses. During one particularly challenging day, she expressed the feeling that she just could not accomplish anything. Her daughter replied, "You can smile."(source)

 I think about that and wonder how much of that experience when I read things like this amazing address that Sister Beck later gave.  In it, she shares how to prioritize:

Years ago I began using a system that works for me, and maybe it will work for you. There was a time when I needed to prioritize, and in one of those sacred meetings between me and the Lord, He gave me three categories that I have worked from, and they have been a guide in my life. The categories are the essential things, the necessary things, and the nice-to-do things. I started writing those things down. I asked, “What has to go in the category of essential?” What things must be taken care of, and if I don’t take care of them, the blessings of eternal life won’t be mine nor will they be my family’s. 

I wrote at the top of the essential list revelation. I have to be able to know the mind and will of God. Therefore, I have to do the things in my life that put me in a position to hear His voice.  Reading the scriptures then became an essential for me because the scriptures contain the mind and will of God, and by reading and studying from them, I can hear His voice and receive His guidance in all aspects of my life. I came up with a simple rule that was easy for me to keep:  Every day I will spend some time in the scriptures. The accumulative power and learning of that commitment has changed my life and helped me learn daily the mind and will of God.

Personal prayer took on new meaning when I knew that I needed to know the mind and will of God. I have taken a paper and pencil with me most of the time since then to my prayers. I don’t always receive an answer or instruction, but I am ready. I want to be ready to learn what the Lord would have me do in my day. Who needs my help? How can I increase my faith this day? How can I strengthen my family? What things do I need to correct in order to be worthy to receive His Spirit? He will tell me.

Taking time to ponder and fast with sincerity took on added meaning when I knew that
revelation was an essential for me. Making covenants and keeping covenants is on the essential list. Going to sacrament meeting and repenting every week took on added meaning. Going to the temple and fulfilling that responsibility frequently became an essential. Sharing the gospel is something the Lord tells us is an essential, and we are charged as part of the house of Israel to share that message. I need to open my mouth and find ways to share and express my testimony.

Service took on added meaning. The Lord said if you want eternal life, give all that you have and follow me.  So those things went on my essentials list. The list wasn’t very long, but there were essential things that I could see to and make sure that they were taken care of.

*  I love watching the wonderful people my older children are turning into.  Sure, Michael is a clown and a jokester.

But he also knows how to lighten the mood and is the first one to call us to task when we raise our voices or are unkind to each other.  He really cares about everyone and will never let us leave someone behind.  He instinctively counts and makes sure everyone is accounted for when we're headed somewhere and he worries constantly when, for instance, we send Joey off to get FastPasses somewhere else at Disnelyland while we're in line.  He holds our family together.

*  Joey is quite loving and very capable.  He also looks pretty sharp in a tie.

* Lillian is wonderful.  She's thriving in her advanced 8th grade program and is becoming quite a musician with the piano and violin.

*  I love these pictures of my oldest and youngest together.  Cami looks just like Lillian did at her age and it's easy to see the resemblance remains, especially in the beautiful eyes.  Where did the time go?  I remember when Lillian was the delightful 11-month-old running around everywhere.

 

* Cami's learned to climb up stairs, but not down yet.  We've filled our landing at the top of the stairs with an assortment of little people, little animals and houses and such.  She loves to climb up there and play, but she doesn't have a huge attention span.  She climbs up, plays for a bit, and then screams until one of us goes up and carries her down.  She gets upset when we try to turn her around and show her how to get herself down, but I'm sure in a few weeks, she'll catch on.

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Monday Musings #4

Harmony cut her own hair a few weeks before Christmas, butchering her bangs and cutting much of the hair on her right side.  We've been mostly covering it up for weeks with a large crocheted headband, but our haircutter came last week and tried to make her hair presentable.  

Here's a before:

 And here's an after:

*  I am so tired of the cold here.  We had a mild winter last year, so the single-digit temperatures we've endured this past week are jarring.  I drove the kids to school this morning when I checked my phone and found it to be 1 degree.  As my son Michael says, "I just wish it would get in the twenties so we can enjoy the snow." 

*  I'm looking forward to warmer temperatures so I can run outside.  I'm hating the treadmill right now, though I've found that if I do a pre-programmed workout instead of just a run, I endure it better.  Something about the changes in elevation and speed and counting down from 30 minutes rather than counting up keep me more motivated.  Case in point?  This morning, I figured I'd just run and I quit after 23 minutes and 2 miles.  I figured that was good enough.  Two miles at a time is fine for now, but starting February, I've got to start doing between 3 and 6 miles each time.  I'd really rather not have to do that on the treadmill.

* Cami is almost 11 months and running around all over.  She doesn't hold still and climbs stairs like a maniac.  She has four teeth and she's just started wearing 18 month size clothing (she's not quite as tiny as some of my other kids).  Everyone adores her.  Michael says, "She's just so cute you want to squeeze her."  Don't you agree?

* My husband and I sat down to plan the year yesterday and though I think life should slow down sometime, for the next four months, either my husband or my family is gone every other week or so.  In the summer, we've got girls camp, Scout camp, a family trip, and a Daddy trip.  Come fall, my husband has one or two more work trips and we'd like to do a family trip over fall break.  My husband's favoring San Diego.  I'd like to go somewhere we've never been before, like Lake Havasu, Arizona.  First world problems, I suppose.  I'm grateful my family is able to travel together so much and I love the time spent together. 

* My husband and I saw Lincoln on Friday.  I thought it took a few liberties with historical facts -- like the beginning scene about the Gettysburg address.  At the time it was given, the address was considered a failure and wasn't much noted.  I also had to close my eyes during some of the scenes of battle.  But otherwise, I loved it.  I wonder if Lincoln really did walk so awkwardly.  I know he was one for story-telling and I found that a delightful part of the movie.

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Monday Musings #3

*****
Camilla will be two weeks old tomorrow. I'm feeling wonderful. It's so amazingly nice not to be pregnant anymore. The discomfort and discouragement of pregnancy are fast becoming a distant memory -- not so distant that I'm anxious to have another anytime soon, but distant enough that the prospect doesn't fill me with horror and dread. I'm anxious to start running again -- I haven't run since November -- and I'm feeling extra flabby. I can fit into some of my pants, but only with serious muffin tops going on. I lost 35 lbs last year, gained 30 this pregnancy and lost about 15 with the delivery. So I have 15 lbs to lose to get back to where I was last summer and 40 lbs to my goal weight. I'm hopeful that I can get started on that fairly soon, though if sleep-deprivation interferes, I may have to put off the goals and focus on the basics for a while. So far, I've gotten enough naps that Cami's waking at night hasn't been too tough to handle.

*****
It seems like after every birth, I have to trek a newborn to the hospital lab for bilirubin tests. I've gotten numerous tests in the past, but this was the first time we were low enough that Cami needed lights. A home health company delivered them and we were supposed to keep her on them as much as possible. Luckily, her levels had gone down enough that we were able to take her off them the next day.
*****
Trekking Cami to and from the lab meant I had the following conversation about four times with different strangers:
"Your baby is adorable. How old?"
"Five Days"
"Oh, is she your first?" (this is the part where I start smiling to myself)
"No, actually, she's our ninth."
"Wow, really? You don't look old enough to have nine kids."
"Well, I'm thirty-four."
"How old is your oldest?"
"Twelve."
"Oh wow . . ." (stranger starts calculating in their head)
"We have one set of twins and the others are between eighteen months and two years apart."

The rest of the conversation concerns how crazy it must be at our house, how unusual it is to have that many kids nowadays, or centers around the ratio of girls to boys.

*****
I have felt very humbled these past few weeks as I've realized how amazingly blessed I have been. My good friend told me I'm "living the dream" and while I'm sure nine kids would be a nightmare to some, to me, it truly is a good dream. I'm not naive -- I know how many things can and do go wrong with birth and children -- so I am extra-aware of the blessing of avoiding all of that.

I've never had a miscarriage. I've never had any pregnancy complications. I've never been on bedrest or had premature delivery.

I've had eight wonderful, relatively-easy deliveries. I've never had labor last longer than six hours. I've never had a C-section. I've never had to push for more than fifteen minutes. And while I've torn nearly every time, it's been fairly easy to heal.

I've never had a colicky or even extra-fussy baby. All of my babies have been pleasant souls easy to soothe. I've seen how frustrating and exhausting it is to have a baby cry for hours at a time, and I'm mindful that once again, I've been blessed.

I've been able to nurse all of my babies with no problems -- I did have mastitis very painfully once and I've dealt with cracked and bleeding nipples a couple of times (especially with the twins), but I've never had latching issues or allergy problems. I've always been able to eat anything I want without it affecting the baby.

I've always bounced back really well from delivery. The last months of pregnancy are so hard on me that by contrast, being a little bit sore and waking at night with a baby is hardly worth groaning about.

I have nine healthy, amazingly perfect children. All of them have the requisite number of fingers and toes and perfectly adorable features. We've never even had a broken arm.

*****
Having said that, however, I should point out that I have experienced plenty of life's problems. I feel miserable for about five months of every pregnancy, three months at the beginning and two months at the end. I've had post-partum depression. We experienced very tight finances for many years. We've been stretched with more to do than time to do it in. None of my babies has slept through the night until they are nine months old, so I've had my share of sleep-deprivation, including that really tough year when my eighth child was born and then didn't sleep for four hours at a time until she was six months old (luckily, I'm not holding it against her). I've had devastating health problems unrelated to childbirth.

But still, I know it is a huge blessing how many problems I haven't experienced, and I'm humbled by it.
*****
I'm getting better as a photographer. I was so thrilled how these pictures turned out this week:

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Monday Musings, Post #2

* Summer is always crazy-busy with 8 kids. We've had great times swimming, playing, and enjoying life. One night, I took a bunch of the kids over to a nearby school where we played baseball. I assumed that Allison, Sarah, Eliza, and Harmony were too young to play and that I'd be playing with just Joey and Michael, but the little girls joined us and had a great time. Joey threw very gentle pitches, I helped the youngest ones hit the ball, and they loved running around the bases. Allison and Sarah even learned to hit the ball on their own. It was a fun night (at least until the mosquitoes came out).

* In general, our rotating work plans are going well. Michael was my partner for the month of June and it was good training time to make sure he knew how to thoroughly do each job as we worked together. We rotated through each week's assignments, and it's nice for me to know that at least once in those three weeks, the jobs will be done right (by me!), though Lillian and Joey are pretty good. Allison is my partner this month, and I'm enjoying the side-by-side time with her.

* I cleaned out my closet last week. It was surprising to me, that even with 25 lbs left to lose, I fit into things I never thought I would, including some cute things from my before-kids teaching days. I even fit into this dress from my engagement days:

There's still no way I'd fit into my wedding dress or my jeans from those days, but it felt great to be trying on things I'd saved for years hoping to finally lose the extra weight.

I gave tons of stuff away. I was surprised to find that many of the clothes I’d kept because I thought they’d look good on me if I was a bit skinnier still didn’t look good on me. =P I was pretty ruthless, deciding that I wasn’t going to keep anything that didn’t flatter as well as fit. I gave away probably 2/3rds of my closet (much of it because it was too big!), and organized everything else. It’s a great feeling to walk into my closet and know that everything in the drawers and on the hangers not only fits me, but looks good on me.

I'm taking a break from the weight loss right now as I finish training for the marathon, and I just might be gaining a lot of baby weight this fall and winter, so it was nice to have some closure for now for my weight loss goals.

* I ran 18 miles on Saturday -- 18 miles! Some training programs have an 18 mile run as the longest run before the marathon. Most go to 20. I want to run a 20 and then a 23 before my marathon, but I know that if I had to, I could at this point finish a marathon. It would be painful those last 8 miles, but I could do it. There's something so satisfying in that knowledge.

* I'm thinking of signing up for an earlier marathon in addition to (or instead of) St. George. The Mesa Falls Marathon in Ashton, Idaho, is calling my name -- a small town in Eastern Idaho, lovely forested route partially on a dirt road, views of an amazing waterfall near Yellowstone, following an old rail line above the Warm River, lonely roads passing fields of wheat and potatoes, a small crowd of only about 500 runners, a free huckleberry shake at the end -- there's something so satisfyingly homey about it. My roots are in Eastern Idaho, even if I did grow up in Boise. I'd easily be ready by August 27th, and I keep looking at the photos of the route and wanting to be there.

* My favorite time of year is upon me -- my awesome incredible husband is off gallivanting the country with five of the kids (Joey through Eliza), while I'm home with Lillian, Harmony and Katie. Lillian goes to girls camp this week and then I'll just have two at home. It has been heavenly to have the concentrated time to catch up on projects without being interrupted (like cleaning out my closet!). No one's whined or complained, there's been no battles about chores, and I don't think there's been a single argument. I love this time to catch my breath and enjoy the quiet. In the meantime, DH and kids are enjoying Lassen Volcanic National Park in California, Crater Lake in Oregon, the Oregon Coast and the California Redwoods. My husband spends months planning every detail of these trips, from menus to venues. They pull a tent trailer and do a lot of camping, they bring along bug cages so they can thoroughly examine all the critters they catch, and they earn Junior Ranger badges at every National Park and Monument.

* I have wonderful neighbors. Just wonderful. I couldn't have asked for better ones, from woman in her 70s who patiently takes care of her three-year-old grandchild (and whose husband invites Joey fishing), to the one who always tells me I'm doing a good job (even when I don't think I am), to the moms I can depend on for eggs or help with children. Last Saturday, Harmony woke up and panicked when she couldn't find me. Instead of waking Lillian, who was in charge, she snuck out the back door, ran around front, and came down the driveway crying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" My sweet older neighbor across the street found her and helped her back inside. This is the same neighbor who keeps a stash of suckers and cookies in a cupboard for when my kids drop by, sometimes daily, for a snack.

This morning, I had a short discussion with another neighbor who shared an experience she had when pregnant with her fifth child where she felt profoundly that she would never be more beautiful that at that point -- doing what she should with her life, filling the measure of her creation, and giving life to another soul. It was moving to hear her.

* I just re-read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and I can't wait to discuss it with my book club on Wednesday -- this time around what struck me most was the level of control that Amy Chua thinks is her right to exercise over her kids. The culminating battle in the book wasn't actually about the violin; it was about forcing her 13-year-old to eat one bite of caviar. Other things that stand out: * when Amy is growing up and receives second place at a school awards night and her father says, "Don't ever shame me again."; * how snobbish Amy is; * how the "Chinese mother" lifestyle Amy claims to be following would be impossible without the gobs of money she and her husband have and spend; * how Amy's life is so unbalanced and unhappy and how she completely missed the boat on the purpose of life -- she can't even find one day to let her mother-in-law enjoy her grandkids? * how RIGHT Amy is about Western parenting in some ways, such as our excessive worry about self-esteem, and our pampered kids who get praised for mediocre work. * how RIGHT Amy is about the value of hard work.

* On those lines, I am fascinated with this letter, written by Amy's daughter about how much she learned from and loves her mom. But I'm also incredibly skeptical about its genuineness, since in the book, Amy constantly hovers and forces her daughters to re-do anything she doesn't think is perfect, from tributes written at Grandma's funeral service to birthday cards. I wonder if Sophia had some "help" finding just the right words for this.

* If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you really need to read the book. Even just to solidify your own beliefs and ideas about parenting. It's a quick read and it's guaranteed to make you think.

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Monday Musings, Post #1

I have so many half-composed blog posts in my head, but I don't post them because the task of putting the words together in a full and complete package is too time-consuming right now (read: I'm already spending three to four hours a week running, and I've got eight kids to attend to as well!).

But I miss writing, so I'd like to start putting a few smaller thoughts into posts on (some) Mondays. If you enjoy it, leave some comments and I'll do it more often.

* I've been refining our summer schedule and plans. All the work is divided up into three charts and one team is assigned to a different chart each week. Since we spent last week in Arizona, this week will be our first on the new system. I'm having each team member give the other a letter grade every day, hoping that will motivate the kids to work hard. We have a full and fun summer planned, with swimming twice a week, movies once a week, library once a week, summer orchestra, horseback riding, Daddy trips (ah, those wonderful Daddy trips!), and other fun adventures. I'm hoping the "work hard, play hard," theme will carry us through. Cross your fingers for me.

* I'm going to be doing all my long runs on Saturday mornings this summer. That's usually when we clean the house, but I've moved all the jobs to Friday mornings and divided them up. Saturdays will be running days and project-completion days. And this Saturday will be my first half-marathon!

* Most of my clothes are too big for me. I've gone down a size and a half and most of my pants, especially, are really baggy. I'm not complaining; it's a great thing to experience, but at the same time, I'm too frugal to spend money on clothes when I'm hoping to be down another size and a half by the fall. So I'll probably look frumpy for a while. Bear with me.

* When all of the kids are home, I always find myself with less discretionary time (I do have eight kids!) but more flexibility. I can run errands alone or take just the kids I want along, go outside to play with some of the kids without worrying about listening for Katie to wake up, or go on a run without having to coordinate with my husband's schedule. That freedom is wonderful, and one of the bonuses of having older kids.

* I try really hard not to put too much of a burden on my oldest child. I remember talking to an older woman five or six years ago who was the oldest of twelve. She said she loves it now, but hated it growing up because she felt like every time she turned around, her mother was shoving a chore chart in her face. Lillian is wonderful and responsible, but I try hard to spread that responsibility out, and it's fairly easy to do because the first three are so close in age -- born in three years and one week.

* I read several books while on vacation last week. The Bookseller of Kabul is disturbing and sad, a story about a real family in Afghanistan. From the introduction, you expect the bookseller to be progressive and somewhat of a hero (he saved books from the Taliban, after all), but it soon becomes clear how much women are devalued even in this home. The tyranny that prevails in some homes there is nothing short of evil.

* On a lighter note, I enjoyed reading Mile Markers, a book of short insights on running (I think gathered from the author's Runner's World blog). She had some meaningful, moving passages, and I kept hoping that someday I love running the way she does. Right now, I cycle through liking, loving, and loathing. I also found myself envious of Kristen Armstrong's description of the bonds she has with her running friends. I'd love to have someone to run with. Anyone want to join me for some (slow) early-morning three to six miles runs this summer?

* Redbox is awesome. We used it for the first time on the way home from California in March. Four hours of movies the kids had never seen before for only $2? Priceless was the peace it bought us. And the "return them anywhere" policy is awesome, as is the "reserve what you want in advance online" feature. We used Redbox heavily for the ten-plus hour drives we had on our way to California.

* Running through the desert on a cool summer morning is refreshing. Running with your son while seeing jackrabbits, lizards, roadrunners, and woodpeckers is pure bliss.

* I had two weird dreams this week. In the first, I got off the bus at the starting line pumped and ready for my half-marathon, only to look down and see I was wearing my slip-on shoes, not my running shoes. In the second, I was pregnant with our ninth child and looked at the calendar to realize I'd gone four days past my due date. But I was feeling so great, I hardly noticed and I'd skipped my doctor's appointment the week before.

* Do you think if I lose another thirty pounds, I'll get faster? I don't really mind that I average 12 minute miles, but maybe I'm really a 10-minute-miler who is only slowed down by the extra weight.

* I made up summer rules for our family. There's only five. What do you think?

1. Follow the Golden Rule.

2. Work Hard, Play Hard

3. Be Responsible (close doors behind you, clean up your messes, do your chores, follow instructions)

4. Ask first (for going outside, TV, Wii, friends, snacks other than fruit)

5. Stick Together (help your chore buddy, watch out for each other, stay with your partner outside)

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